30 years old. I have had a gambling problem since childhood when I used to bet on penny slots (we call them fruit machines in the UK). My gambling problem was especially bad when I was a student, where I'd go through short booms then long busts every time I got my student loans, and had to live by shoplifting, sometimes for months at a time. I was a member of two different GA groups in the UK although I never actually stopped gambling for very long. If I am totally honest with myself I think I have never been more eight-ten months without gambling, since I was a teenager.I had to leave the UK for my work in 2014, and now I live in Asia. I am very lucky that I work very hard, am good at my job, and I have a huge disposable income. I am able to save 50-70 percent of the money I make in a month now. Unfortunately since I left the UK I still managed to gamble away maybe 2/3rds of the money I save, every time I fall back into gambling.In 2021 I got involved in cryptocurrency, although this led to more gambling. I was able to run up a sizable sum, although I lost half of it one night playing games drunk. I decided to YOLO into Gamestop stocks hoping by a miracle I would make back the amount I lost, and what do you know? I actually did. I could have cashed out back at my highest peak (still down by 100k or more lifetime, but ahead by a few thousand this year and that is what is important, right?)But being the gambler I am I let it ride and didn't sell my GME investment until it was only worth slightly less than what I paid for it. I feel terrible as at one point I was up almost five figures but that still wasn't enough for me.Between that and the gambling in crypto (like actual gambling, online casinos, not just holding BTC), I lost 25% of my network since December. It is the equivilant of almost a years worth of savings for me, assuming I went a whole year without gambling, which I never have done. So it is quite a blow.This time I really want to turn a new leaf. I always try to remember how grateful I am that I have such good opportunities, that I can make and save so much money. I want to try and become the person I should have been if I never ever gambled... although who knows what that would be like?The good news is;I have no debt or dependents. I have a good job. I still have a lot of money in the bank, a lot of food in the fridge. In practical terms the amount I gambled in the last two months doesn't change my life at all (which is what makes it so illogical).The hurdles are:I live alone.I have no family and very few friends around me.I am constantly isolated and bored. Except for New Years Eve I havent seen anyone outside of my work in almost two months.I live in a country with very little English support, no GA meetings, nothing like that.Because of my living situation cutting off my access to money is impossible.I have never been able to find any anti-gambling software I couldn't find my way around.Like I said I spent time in GA so I know all the wisdom and sayings. I know what I should do butI want to get better and I want to share that with someone.I have been considering going to a doctor to try and get anti-depressants or something? But I don't know if I am depressed and keep lapsing into gambling because I'm depressed, or just temporarily depressed because of the money I lost.You know how it is? After a long gambling binge it is very hard to go back to normal life and normal feelings.I would like to talk to somebody. If anybody has time. I wanna remember this and share this.I am one day without a bet. Thanks for listening.
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